Monday, July 25, 2005


Brit Greens have unwittingly discovered a foolproof way to ensure that foreign creatures survive on the mean lanes of Salisbury Plain (my emphasis).

Conservationists hoping to reintroduce the world's heaviest bird to Britain have imported a second batch of chicks after foxes killed most of the first.

Some 40 young great bustards were flown from Russia on Friday to join the five that have survived on Salisbury Plain, Wilts, since they arrived last summer.

Of the 28 imported last year, only one, Dudley, has become truly wild.

All right-thinking Brits consider Dudley a very wimpy name. And I'm guessing the creature was originally given a heroic name, as befits a Russian chick destined to become one of the world's heaviest birds - something like Vassili, the shooter in Enemy at The Gates. Renaming it Dudley would have made it Truly Wild As Hell.

So the solution is to give all the new chicks similar wimpy names: Nigel, Rupert, Piers, Cecil, or anything French.

If, I have offended any Dudleys or French people with this post, Tough.