Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Building Iran's Nukes

The Wapo has been properly derided for it's report "Iran Is Judged 10 Years From Nuclear Bomb" - because it's full of unidentified sources. Also, it's engineering nonsense - with some enriched Uranium and a boatload of petro-dollars, I personally could build a batch of nukes nuke within 3 years, let alone 10!

After all, three years was all the the US took between 1942 & 1945, with zero prior art, and a tiny economy in today's terms.

For the avoidance of doubt (as lawyers say), I don't actually plan to build a nuke, although it is tempting to think of the stir one would cause at the 2008 Al Sadr Hitman Reunion.

Here's how you do it.
NOTE: To prevent this post being used against us, I have included one cunning misdirection, which the Mullahs will never detect.


1. Allocate a budget of $10 Billion.

2. Appoint a take-no-prisoners program manager - think John Bolton with attitude. His sole job is to hassle the development and manufacturing teams 24*7 to deliver on time, within budget and to specification. His enemies are design refinement and specification creep - he will hunt these down and kill them.

3. Make two Iranian patriots modeled on Ted Kennedy and Al Gore responsible for management and technical oversight respectively.

4. Set up co-located best-and-brightest development and manufacturing teams in a remote location and only allow them off-site 1 day a year. This will motivate them to get the job done soonest while maximizing security.

5. Build an obsessive international procurement team (triathletes make the best). They'll get you the fancy electronics for triggering, the explosives, the containment vessels, the precision milling equipment & the contamination containment stuff. This team can get all of this, for money, from willing suppliers in Germany, Holland and France.

6. If you don't already have it, buy enriched Uranium and/or Plutonium from Russia.

Now you're good to go - you have truck- or airliner-delivered bombs capable of taking out (say) downtown Frankfurt!

Don't waste time on:

- lightweight weapons for missile delivery, they need lots of testing and the US will shoot them down anyway;

- supercomputer simulation (takes forever to program, plus real-life testing gives better results & frightens American liberals more);

- fusion (you'll never match the Israelis & testing is a bitch);

- fancy miniaturization for battlefield stuff like shells (you'll never use them).

Have a nice day!