Move Gitmo To The UN!
The UN Commission Against Torture demands the closure of Gitmo and the release of all prisoners – though not to places where they might be tortured. The only place meeting the UN's strict criteria is, er, the UN building.
First, Scrappleface reports that – for balance - the UN chastized Al Qaeda:
UN Calls on Al Qaeda to Open Detention FacilityWith that out of the way, the Committee addressed the US:
The panel’s report laid out a process designed to move al Qaeda in “baby steps” from its current practice of beheading and blowing up innocent civilians, to taking them prisoner and torturing them, to eventually running a clean, safe, modern prisoner-of-war camp in full compliance with the United Nations protocols.
The Committee recommended that the United States cease to detain any person at Guantánamo Bay and that it close that detention facility, permit access by the detainees to judicial process or release them as soon as possible, ensuring that they were not returned to any State where they could face a real risk of being tortured.The Commission was advised by its Committee Against Torture, which it boasts:
...is made up of: 10 independent experts who are persons of high moral character and recognized competence in the field of human rights.So to which of the 10 nations supplying these paragons could the Commission send the Gitmo detainees?
The membership is here, their homelands’ human rights records are here and here, and here’s my assessment of them as havens for suspected Islamic killers.
Fear States: Russia, China, Morocco, and Ecuador
These are Not Free or Partly Free - countries run by despots who use torture routinely – not a nice place for anyone, let alone an Islamic terror suspect.
Pariah States: the US
Muslim Haters: Cyprus, Spain
Both are rated Free, but both will be nasty to Muslims.
Cypriots attack Muslims from the Turkish part of that island.
Spain complied with Muslim instructions after the Madrid bombings, but would not welcome more potential mass murderers.
Sanctioned By Amnesty International: Senegal and Chile
Senegal gives sanctuary to real torturers, while Chile protects mass murderers. The UN is probably cool with that, but the released detainees will see these places as just too dangerous!
The Only Good Guys: Norway
I have family there, and can confirm that the place is fanatically neutral, honest, rational, and nice. But in consequence, they've been deporting Muslim fanatics since way before it became fashionable. So Norway's no good.
Which leaves the UN itself - it has the space in the useless top 10 stories of the UN tower, where the detainees can amuse the UN secretariat with tricks like this:
Ten Guantanamo prisoners lured U.S. guards into a cell with a staged suicide attempt, then attacked them with light fixtures, fan blades and other improvised weapons while guards fired rubber balls and used a grenade launcher to subdue them, U.S. officials said on Friday.Go for it Kofi, you’ll make John Bolton a happy man!
“The detainees had slickened the floor of their block with feces, urine and soapy water in an attempt to trip the guards. They then assaulted the guards with broken light fixtures, fan blades and bits of metal,” said Navy Rear Adm. Harry Harris, who commands the Guantanamo facility.